Be who you be If you're coming with me


Drama? No thanks. Count me out and you no longer have to consider me as part of this RPG.

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"Don’t you have family there?"
"Yeah, from Sunderland…"
Sunderland. SUNDERLAND. SUNDERLAND. I don’t think they’re the same place, Karen. You’re such a derp.

  ·  ignore me  ·  I flailed when I saw this  ·  180  ·

I need some serious entertainment. 


Look at me, crossing my fingers and hoping for an empty bar. I wouldn’t even bother trying to resist then. 

That’s completely acceptable. I think I’d actually be offended if you did want to resist if I’m honest.

  ·  I'm prone to laziness so could I be an arse and ask you to?  ·  14  ·

Anonymous said:


Those murders? 

It wasn’t me.

No, but seriously. It wasn’t me.

I need some serious entertainment. 


Sadly I didn’t have much of a choice seeing as Merlottes is the only bar in town, although now you’ll have me worrying I’ll catch scurvy. I’m staying far away from Screwdrivers, no siree, no oranges for me. At least it’s not a bar with a terrible pun, like “Hair of the Dog” I couldn’t deal, I’d gag every time I walked through the doors. Yes if penis and eye are used in the same scenario I don’t think you’ll be coming out of it with 20/20 vision.

Oh I’ve heard far worse, don’t worry.

So are we meeting there then love?

I suppose meeting you in a bar where I can get wasted and fall over multiple times isn’t a bad idea, so abso-fucking-lutely. I’ll meet you there and if the bar’s empty, I may well be naked and lying on top of the bar in a seductive manner. Resistance is futile, my lovely. Just a little side info.

  ·  Yeah sure! :D  ·  14  ·

I need some serious entertainment. 


Oh so now I’m fraternizing with a nature deity herself? I do attract the oddest company.

Come now Maria, I’ve begun to expect a certain caliber of humor from a girl as bright as you, the Batman bit is a little played out, but you’re just so cute I guess I’ll have to let you slide.

Yes, the scent of stale urine and LSD can only hold its appeal for so long. Bar it is, leather and all. Thats actually my place of employment, I can attest to the leather smell, we’ve got lots of the leery handsy biker types. Local eye candy? I’m sure I can find you a lollipop to suck, sorry how crass of me. You’ll be swooped up in no time, redheads are a delicacy around here since there is such a lack. 

I’ve not told the joke before, so previously it wasn’t old, but now? Well, now it’s about as decrepit as Madonna. 

If I was gonna work in a bar, I’d work in one with a better name than ‘Merlotte’s. I mean, it sounds as if a pirate has just walked onto his ship and hollored out “I’ve de-fucking-cided, you gold wearin’ dicks! I’m gonna name our bar ‘Merlotte’s!” and then everybody would’ve clapped in over approval, turned around to look at each other behind the cap’n’s back and said, “What shit is he smoking, me hearties? He’s a fucking lunatic.” A lollipop would help with the ‘candy’ part, but not with the ‘eye candy’, so truth be told, your penis is a-flopping. 

Get it? ‘Cause your penis is a joke, so ‘penis’ means ‘jok-‘. No? Okay then. Bad jokes aren’t as funny as they are in my head.

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I need some serious entertainment. 


Oh thats so tempting, then I could spend the day mourning the loss of my self-esteem, drowning my sorrows in a pint of ice cream and picking of the shells of my former self.

I tend to avoid the electrocution route unless it’s absolutely necessary, so as long as you don’t call me the wrong name you should be safe. Twelve it is then, and good where do you want to go? There’s a club around here and a bar, and thats about it, unless you want to drink for free at my place.

That usually only happens when somebody finds out that I’m staying in town longer than I first thought. The depression rate skyrockets and birds fall from the skies in protest. I have that effect on nature.

Like I’d forget your name, which is Batman, right? Oh - no, I mean Robyn.

I’m just testing you, of course. Clubs aren’t my kind of place. Too many strobe lights plus a chick who likes to pass out on pool tables in empty dive bars? Bad mix.  I’d much prefer the bar, which I’ve actually visited myself. It smells of leather. I love leather and do you know why? It is the official scent of a local badass. Speaking of local badasses, if you let me buy the first round then I’ll let you tell me about some of the eye candy around here. A girl’s gotta screw before she gets screwed over after all.

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